Dear 2015.

Dear 2015,

Tonight while cooking dinner, I dropped a plate. It fell almost in slow motion. I knew it was going down, but there was nothing I could do to prevent the fall. As it hit the ground, I held my breath, waiting for the unavoidable crash. Sure enough, the plate broke into many pieces.  2015, I looked down at the broken pieces of glass on our kitchen floor and it occurred to me that you could best be summed up with a picture of this broken plate.

As broken as I felt this year –from a job layoff, death, emptiness like I can’t explain and watching my very best friend go to war with cancer- I can honestly say that I have never felt more close to God. My faith has been shaken, bent and bruised, but through every storm, there has been a peace. The Bible clearly tells us that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and because of you 2015, I believe that now more than ever.

Now, 2015, you have been full of some wonderful moments, too. Drew and I visited my most favorite place in the world twice (one of those times with a special princess and her daddy). I finished graduate school, and was blessed with several job offers. I gladly accepted a position that I had peace about, and even though most days feel very heavy, I am so thankful for the students (and coworkers) that have been placed in my path. They truly are one of my greatest blessings in life. I’ve successfully been a wife for an entire year, and even though I haven’t mastered laundry for two, I have become a pro at making my hubs a sandwich.

But back to my broken plate (thankfully, it wasn’t one that was a part of our “fancy” set).  It’s all cleaned up now, but as I was sweeping the fragments of this plate into our dustpan, I began to think of the brokenness all around me - from the students that I talk with on a daily basis, to the entire state of the world, and so much more.  But what I have learned, 2015, is that brokenness leads us to redemption. One meaning of redemption is to gain something back, and well, 2015, I feel like you took a lot from me.  But, this next year is going to be different; it is going to be my year of redemption.  

Goodbye, 2015.

 

Dear friend, if have felt the same brokenness that I have during 2015, I encourage you to allow 2016 to also be your year of redemption. Lauren Diagle, one of my favorite Christian artist, says it best in her song Power to Redeem.

"Rejoice oh child of God
Lift your eyes to see
With every morning light,
Again we are redeemed"

Wake up to tomorrow’s morning light, the first day of a brand new year, knowing that you are redeemed! Whatever was taken from you in 2015, you are gaining back in 2016. Gain it all back - joy, peace, prosperity, comfort, self-confidence, dreams that you thought were shattered. Take it all!

 

Happy New Year, y'all!

-

Leave Memory Lane - He is Doing a New Thing.

A few nights ago, I saw a picture on Facebook of two people that I loved dearly.
If I am honest with you, I still do love them, but I had to allow God to heal my heart. It took myself all of a second to take a stroll down memory lane, and "remember when."  My heart hurt because of what has been lost, but it was also thankful because even though we fail, His love and His plans never do. As chance would have it, that same picture popped up in my newsfeed tonight. My heart, yet again, began to feel overwhelmed. In that exact moment, the Holy Spirit gently whispered to my soul - "I am doing a new thing."
I hate change. Seriously. I never, ever want to upgrade my Microsoft software (just ask my Dad) because I like being comfortable. What the Lord is teaching me though is that sometimes in order for Him to move I have to be uncomfortable. I have to be moved from the place of comfort to a place of trust. From a place of knowing (read: creating) the plan to a place of trusting solely in His plan.
Isaiah 43:18 came to my heart tonight. "But forget all of that - it is nothing compared to what I'm going to do. For I am about to do a brand new thing. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness for my people to come home. I will create rivers for them in the desert!"
Some days I feel like I am in a dry place. No matter how much I pray, read or listen to worship music - my soul feels dry. I have been crying out to God to refresh me. To submerge me in His river of new life. I now know that the secret of being refreshed is letting go of the old, and CELEBRATING in the new that is coming.
As a new school year begins in many districts tomorrow, I encourage you to celebrate this new year. Our school district's  theme for this year is new beginnings, and I don't think that it is coincidence that the Lord laid the scripture on my heart tonight. Wake up tomorrow excited about the new things that He is doing. I know I am!

Blessings,
Hannah

A Letter to My Future Daughter.

My darling,

Tonight while I was in the kitchen prepping supper, something on the TV caught my attention.  Jason Derulo was preforming on American Idol, but that wasn’t what caught me off guard. What made me have to look twice were the women that he had on stage with him. I stared awkwardly at the television set almost the entire song, my heart feeling so strange about what I was seeing, but yet I couldn’t force myself to look away. It wasn’t so much watching the performance as I was thinking of you. You don’t even exist yet, so maybe it is silly that you are what came to my mind. But you did.

These ladies preforming were by many people’s definition beautiful. However, I think they were going about showing their beauty in the wrong way. Quite honestly, sweetheart, they had on an outfit that I would only want you to wear in front of your husband. And they were dancing in ways that you better not even consider trying out at your senior prom.

Sometimes I worry what the standard of “beauty” will be while you are growing up. I fear that our culture is shifting further away by the day from what beauty really is. Because, baby girl, beauty isn’t dancing provocatively in lingerie on stage for the world to see or flaunting your physical self in any way just to get the attention of others.

Beauty is so much more than all of that. Beauty is so much more than the reflection you see when you pass by a mirror. I know you will hear these words a million times while you are growing up, but that is only because I want to make sure that these words take deep root in your heart – beauty is not what you look like, beauty is who you are.

 Beauty is the way you feel in your heart about who you are. Beauty is how you help someone who is struggling. Beauty is being true to yourself, even when the rest of the world is telling you to go with “their” flow. Beauty is knowing who you are, and being confident in the direction that your dreams take you – especially on the days when you want to throw in the towel. Beauty is being a true, genuine friend. Beauty is always giving 100%, and never settling for less than your best. Beauty, my dear, is so much more than what the world will tell you that it is.

That is why I want you to know the most important definition of beauty. I want you to know what Jesus has to say about beauty. And on days when you don’t feel like you “line up” with the definition that the world is giving you of beauty, I want you to line yourself up with His definition of beauty. Because, after all, what He says about you is more important than what anyone else will ever say about you.

“ What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in." - I Peter 3:3-4

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." - Proverbs 31:30

I love you, baby girl.

Five Lessons from Five Months of Marriage.

As of today, Drew and I have been married for five months. Time has surely flown by, but memories of our wedding day are still very fresh in mind. A special thank you to everyone who helped make October 26, 2014 the day of my dreams.

During the past five months, marriage has taught me many lessons, but today I am just going to share with you the five that are most important to me.

1.       Live on Compromise Street. I cannot even begin to express how important compromise has proved to be in our marriage. A few weeks ago, the topic of Halloween costumes came up, and well, Drew and I were not exactly on the same page. Instead of both of us not relenting on what we wanted to do, we compromised. He gave a little, I gave a little and eventually we both were very satisfied with the final decision. Compromise has also come in very handy when deciding what to eat for supper. Because, of course, "whatever you want, babe" is cool until someone suggests pizza. ;)

2.       Show Grace, Never Guilt. I am not a perfect person. My husband is not a perfect person. We both make mistakes. I am known to “get in my feelings” on occasion. I am so thankful that in those moments Drew shows me grace. I can’t imagine any marriage surviving with two partners that didn’t show each other grace on a daily basis. Especially if one of those partners plays the bass guitar. For real, y’all.

3.       Gender Roles, Smender Roles. The strongest teams allow the players to do what they do best. So often we automatically assign roles in marriages based on gender. I assumed that my marriage would be no exception to that. But, the truth is, my husband is a much better cook than I am. I still do the majority of the cooking, but I am okay to admit that the meals he prepares are a bit higher on the flavor scale than things I cook. Another piece of truth that I am slightly ashamed of, I didn’t even own salt or pepper pre-Drew – much less the other twenty spices that now fill the cabinet above our stove.

4.       I Can Hear Clearer Now. Communication. Communication. Communication. I cannot say it enough! I thought for sure that mind reading was a ginger superpower, but folks, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it's not.  I’ve learned to say exactly what I feel/mean, and ask questions if I am not sure what Drew means. A funny real life scenario took place about a week before Valentine’s Day this year. Drew and I were just hanging out, and I mentioned to him that I wanted a wristlet as a Valentine’s Day gift. Well, I should have been more clear, because Drew thought that wristlet was just another word for bracelet. No, my dear, just no.

5.       Don’t Just Say Love, Do It. Loving someone is much, much more than just telling them that you love them. Don’t get me wrong telling them is so important, and I make a point to tell Drew several times a day how much I love him. What I’ve found means even more though is when he shows me that he loves me. It may be something simple like rubbing my tummy while we sit on the couch in the evenings, or taking my dirty plate to the kitchen for me, but those small acts truly make me feel loved. Love is such a huge thing, but it really is just all of the little things added together.

People are constantly asking us how married life is. The short answer is that it is wonderful. I love being married, and I am so thankful for the man that God blessed me with. Our first six months of marriage have been full of things that I expected, and also things that I did not. Like the other night, I was sitting on the floor in our living room clipping Drew’s toenails, and as I looked up at him I couldn’t contain my laughter. On our very first date, I never imagined clipping his toenails, but at that moment, I couldn’t think of any other place I would rather be on a Wednesday night. And if you’ve ever seen Drew’s toenails, you know that this must truly be a lifelong love.

Blessings,
Hannah

Monday Blues? Change Your Point of View – Because Greater is Coming!

I hope I am not the only one that feels this way, but sometimes I dread Monday morning. Tomorrow around 7 a.m., I’ll be starting a brand new week (well, after hitting the snooze button an annoying amount of times – sorry babe!). It all starts again. The cycle of “waiting for Friday” that so many of us get caught up in will be here in less than 10 hours.  I try to make a point to remind myself to be in the present - to enjoy the day that I am living, while being a blessing to those around me.  But, if I am honest with you, I would admit that so often I find myself starting Monday morning, wishing for Friday afternoon.

Tomorrow starts my tenth week of internship, and even though I am truly enjoying it, I find myself ready for it to be over. Those of you that know me well know how much of a planner I am. Until this internship is over, I feel like our life is in limbo. I have no idea what school doors I will be walking through in August. I know that He will direct my path, and as much comfort as I find in that, some days I find myself an anxious mess about the future. I feel like this internship season has been a dry season for me. My soul has felt so dry and weary.  I have been praying for fresh oil from Heaven to refresh me.

I don’t know if any of you are feeling this way about a season in your life. But, if you are, let me encourage you with a revelation that the Lord gave me tonight. He is using this season to prepare you for greater.

Tonight while listening to my favorite Pandora station (not that I don’t enjoy the wrestling show that my husband watches on Sunday night .. ) a song titled Greater is Coming came on. The intro of the song talks about the process that the olive goes through for its oil to be able to flow.  The process has three steps - 1. Shaking, 2. Beating, and 3. Pressing.  Anyone else felt shaken, beaten or pressed lately? I know I have.

But, you know what, if it wasn’t for the shaking – I wouldn’t be ready for the making. And if it wasn’t for the beating – I wouldn’t know the level of anointing that He has placed on my life. And lastly, if it wasn’t for the pressing – I would not be able to walk into my destiny. He has been preparing me for greater!  He has been preparing YOU for greater!  Every test, every trial, every sleepless night, and every tear that has run down your cheek has been doing nothing but preparing for you greater.

So tomorrow, I am going to look at the shaking, beating and pressing that weekdays can bring differently. I am changing my point of view of this season in my life, because He is using this time to prepare me for greater. 

So, Monday morning, you better watch out, because I know that our greater is coming! Thank you, Father, that Your greater is coming!

Blessings,
Hannah

Don't Surrender, Press On.

"And I run  [press on] toward the goal to take the victory of the calling of God from on high .. " - Phil. 3:14

Hargo Hill. I feel like those two words should be followed by a *dun dun dun* .. can I get an amen, fellow exercisers? I often credit that long, steep incline between the jail and the start of “Main Street” with making me a runner. It’s a tough distance up, and usually right before I get to the top, my body feels done – thankfully, this is where my brain kicks in. Well, usually.  

Tonight I went out for a run, and I ran so joyfully until I found myself at the base of the dreaded hill. I didn’t feel like climbing that hill, because tonight, what I knew was just a hill looked like a mountain to me. So, tonight, I turned around deciding that I would just skip it and begin my journey back home. Through my head ran many excuses – I’m tired, it’s cold, Drew is probably hungry, my left pinky toe is sore, a piece of hair is touching my neck. Yes, I know, some of those are pathetic, but I am just being real.

As soon as I began to shuffle my feet around to turn back a Building 429 song titled Press On began to stream through my ear buds (actually my husband’s ear buds because sharing earwax is a true marriage builder). The first few words of the song pierced my heart – “Sometimes this world starts breaking me down” – and immediately the tears began to flow. Some of you may know, but around the time I started my (unpaid) internship, Drew was let go from his job. It was definitely a curve ball that we were not expecting. We are truly okay, and God’s faithfulness through these past few months has been nothing short of amazing, but still, some days, I feel like the world is breaking me down.

The lyrics that came next were exactly how my heart felt about conquering the hill tonight  -  “And there are moments of fear and doubt, even the best fall to the ground.” I doubted myself. I doubted my body’s ability to get myself up the hill. I was fearful of what would happen if my brain couldn’t convinced my legs to keep moving. So, I decided that I would just surrender. But I didn’t need to surrender. I needed to press on.

So, I did. Not only did I run the hill once, but I circled back to run it again. I pressed on. Proving to myself that my body could carry me up that mountain-feeling hill wasn’t the reason I ran it twice. I ran it twice to prove to myself that I needed to press on. No matter what life throws at me, I need to press on.

Dear friend, I don’t know what may be going on in your life. Nor do I know what hills that you are facing that might feel more like mountains to you. What I do know is that you can make it. YOU CAN PRESS ON! Because, at the end of the day, as we are trekking up the mountains that life can put in our path, we’ve got to remember that His promises (our prize) are on the other side, and as long as we are going with Him, it doesn’t really matter where we are going – we just have to keep going.

 

 

 

Blessings,

Hannah

On Days When Your Calling Doesn't Feel Easy.

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." - C.S. Lewis

As I think about great people in the Bible, and their callings, I often only think of their success, not their struggles. My friend Ana and I watched the movie Evan Almighty last weekend. The movie is loosely based on the story of Noah. Noah's calling was to build the ark. When I think of Noah's calling, a storybook picture of Noah on the ark with his family and a rainbow in the distance is what comes to mind. But there is so much more to Noah's calling than that. What doesn't come to my mind that likely happened could have been things like people telling Noah he was crazy, or perhaps he hit his finger with a hammer a few times, maybe Noah even doubted his calling. I can assure you that whatever Noah went through during the process of fulfilling his calling, it wasn't easy.

Mary's calling is another that comes to mind. I am sure that many of us probably picture her calling as a tender-moment in a stable, with an angel above the manger that held her precious son. But again, how far that is from the complete truth. Mary not only became pregnant before marriage, but she also carried a child that was not her husbands, and then to top it all off, she gave birth in a barn. I wonder if in the laboring moments of childbirth Mary questioned her calling.

Being a school counselor is much more than a job to me - it's a calling. When I started my M.Ed. program in school counseling, I only thought of the glamorous moments of my calling. You know, the happy moments on graduation day, or the times when I would help a student overcome something that they are struggling against. I didn't picture the other side - the times when I would see the words "I'm sorry" cut into a young ladies arm because she doesn't know how to deal with the pain she feels, or the times when I would beg a young man to not drop out of high school because he has so much more potential than he realizes.

Some days, and I am sure that many of you can relate to this, my calling feels heavy. As a matter of fact, today it feels very heavy. You know what though, today I have realized that I am carrying my load the wrong way. I am carrying far to much of it on my shoulders, and not offering enough of it over to Him. I am carrying the burdens of the students that I am called to help, but feel like I don't have the strength, because I am not supposed to do it in my strength. I am called to do it in His strength.

Philippians 4:13 is a familiar passage to us all. I actually think it was one of the first verses that I memorized as a child. Today is means more to me than it has my entire life, those 11 words have reminded me of something so very important. I am called (and the calling isn't always easy), but I am never forsaken, because I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

If you feel weary with your calling today, allow yourself to take a load off and rely on His strength. That is exactly what I am doing, and I am so thankful that His strength is perfect, when my strength is gone.

Blessings, 

Hannah

Overcoming Church Hurt.

I’m a pastor’s kid. I’m sure that the majority of my readers know that. I have literally grown-up in the church. Through the years, I have seen so many people loved and accepted by the church. I have heard so many testimonies of people who have found forgiveness, healing, love and acceptance in the four walls of the church – I am sure that we have all. But, what I’ve begun to hear more of lately is the people who have found quite the opposite of love and acceptance in the church. Instead, they sadly found things like hurt, jealously, backstabbing, and lies. Church hurt is so hard for many of us to understand, because it seems so silly to think that people are being hurt in the place that they come to find love in acceptance. But, unfortunately, folks, so many people around us have experience/are experiencing church hurt. Church hurt does not only drive wedges between us and other believers, but also between us and God.

This post is for the person who has been hurt by the church. For the ones who have a sour taste in their mouth about church as a result of bad experiences they had in the church. I’ve experienced church hurt. And I am so thankful to say, that I have overcome church hurt. If you allow Jesus to heal your heart, you can overcome church hurt too.

So, you’ve been hurt by the church, and you are ready to overcome it – where do you go from here?

Lay it down. The first place you need to go after experiencing church hurt is to the cross. Lay your hurt at the feet of Jesus. He loves you. He doesn’t want you to be hurt, but He can’t heal your heart until you give it to Him.  

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“Casting the whole sum of your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Pray.  I know that it is a hard pill to swallow, but you need to pray for the person/people who hurt you. I know, believe me, I know how hard that is sometimes.  But, we must do it, because the Bible clearly tells commands us to.

                “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44   

Don’t retaliate. It is a human instinct to say something to the extent of, “I’ll get him back” after experiencing hurt. We want to react in the flesh, but that is not what we need to do.  The Lord will fight for you – He’s got your back!

                “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus 14:14

Forgive. Forgiveness can be so tricky, and one of the most difficult things to do, so I want to remind you of a few things about forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that what they did was okay. If they hurt you, that is not okay at all. What you have to realize though, is that when unforgiveness grows in your heart for long enough, it creates bitterness. Please, please, please don’t allow bitterness in. Forgive the person who caused your church hurt, not because what they did wasn’t wrong, but because you don’t want it to destroy your heart. Remember that Jesus Christ has forgiven the inexcusable in you, so why should you deny forgiveness to someone else? I know it is hard, but do it, you will not regret it.

“Bearing with one another, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive.”  Colossians 3:13

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Reconnect. Do not turn against church completely. I know that is what seems like the logical thing to do after experiencing church hurt, but that this exactly what the enemy wants you to do. The enemy’s goal is to bring division, do not allow him the victory through your church hurt.

“And about all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14

To the hurting, I am so sorry. I know how badly church hurt can be. Please forgive. Let Jesus love you. So often, as humans, we fall short, and I am sorry that your heart was hurt through the short comings of others, but today lay it at His feet. I promise you, forgiveness can change your life. Look at how your life has already been changed by His forgiveness, and imagine what peace you’ll find in forgiving others.  It is a wonderful feeling to have the burden of unforgiveness lifted off you.

Blessings,

Hannah

Love Has a Name.

It seems like at least one time each night an SPCA commercial plays during our television time. I know that when the first note of Sarah McLachlan’s song Angel plays, my husband will be reaching for the remote to either mute the television or change the channel. He doesn’t care for the commercial at all, especially by the third or fourth time. Looking into those sad puppy eyes just does in him.

When I was a child,  I remember a similar commercial trying to raise funds for orphaned children. I don’t remember the name of the organization. All I really do remember is that it was filmed near a set a train tracks. I can still see some of the children’s faces in my memory. Orphans.  Starving children. Desperate for help. Longing for hope. Needing a way out. Each of them praying for an answered prayer to come quickly. So sad, and heartbreaking.

It wasn’t until many years later that I held an orphan for the first time. In his book, Radical, David Platt has this to say in regards to orphans and orphan care – “ We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before we know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend that they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.”  Allow those words to sink in. That statement is SO powerful, and I can promise you it is SO true.

As much as it pains me to say this (and I hope that this comment doesn’t offend any of my readers), I feel as a culture, we have become quite “numb” to seeing these nameless orphans. We have grown used to see shirtless children with distended stomachs. So much so, that I would be willing to bet that it almost doesn’t even register in our minds as heartbreaking. I know that I may sound harsh at this moment, but I am stepping on my own toes as well. We see clips of third world counties on the news and don’t fully feel the “pang” that poverty should bring to our souls. What if we knew the name of each child living in poverty that we were exposed to? Would they seem more real to us? Would the reality of poverty be more real to you if you could snuggle with one of these precious children? The answer to all of those questions is yes. I know that it is the answer, because I have been there. I have heard the names of “the least of these” children and I have snuggled them in my arms, or spun them around in circle as we have danced.

They all have a name. They are NOT the nameless – even though sometimes it may feel that way. They not only have a name, but they have a purpose. Today I was given the opportunity to help be a apart of one of these children’s purpose.

My Haiti-sister, Paige tagged me a post from a young man named Luke who recently returned from a trip to PAP, Haiti. In Luke’s post he told the story of Nixon, who lives a top Cha-Cha Mountain. Luke was working on the building project that Haiti Under God has been working on for a few years on the mountain – and it is looking wonderful! Cha-Cha is such a fun place to be. I remember having a blast with the children the trip that the team I was with travelled up Cha-Cha, and Luke’s experience seemed to be very similar.

While fellowshipping with the children, Luke met a very special boy named Nixon. Nixon lost his mother to a complicated sickness when he was a young boy, and his father in the PAP earthquake in 2010, so he now lives with his elderly grandmother. I doubt that any of us can truly understand the level of poverty that Nixon and his grandmother face each day.  Because of the starvation and malnourishment that he has been subjected to, Nixon’s skin is cracked, and his stomach is bloated. He has also had delayed growth development – looking several years younger than that age he is (12 years old). 

Thankfully, God placed Luke and Nixon’s paths together so that Luke could help tell Nixon’s story. Pastor Maxeau, one of our trusted connections in Haiti, stays in contact with the people of Cha-Cha Mountain, and has offered to take Nixon to PAP (probably a 5 hour trip from Cha-Cha, including time spent walking/riding a donkey down the mountain) to have him medically checked.  It is feared that Nixon may have worms, among other things, that need to be treated ASAP.  Maxeau has also offered to help purchase food and/or livestock for the family so they can become sustainable livers. Nixon was given the opportunity to attend school for the first time this year (he is starting in K-5), and he also attends church on Cha-Cha.

As we all know, getting things like this accomplished takes money. I am asking you to prayerfully consider choosing to be a part of helping Nixon achieve his purpose in life, by helping meet some of the basic needs that he and his grandmother have. If you feel a tug on your heart to help Nixon, donations can be made on Haiti Under God’s website at www.haitiundergod.org (put Nixon in the donation designation area, and 100% of the funds will go towards Nixon’s care). If would like to hear more about Nixon’s story, contact Luke at LukeSteen123@gmail.com .

These are pictures of orphans. Of scenes that we all may have become used to seeing – never wondering these children’s names. But they have names. Nixon has a name. Sema has a name. But most importantly, love has a name, and that name is Jesus. Show love today. Show Him today.

Blessings,
Hannah

Here is a link to Luke's Facebook if you would like to read more about Nixon - https://www.facebook.com/luke.steen.7.

To Choose Blindness or Love?

Tonight (this morning?) my heart is heavy. I don’t know that I have the exact words to tell you why. Honestly, I am not even completely sure why. But it is.

About a month ago, Drew and I watched a movie titled The Good Lie. It told the story of Sudanese children who were orphaned as a result of war, and their journey to find a better life. I wept during this movie. My heart was broken over what these children had to endure. But, the next day, I went back to normal life. My heart still feeling heavy, but the orphaned children of Africa feeling so far away.

A few weeks ago, Drew and I went to see the Watoto Children’s Choir from Uganda perform in Beaufort.  The children put on a great show, and I am glad we went. I am thankful, not only because I enjoyed the show, but because of the conversation it sparked in the car on our way back home. I am so blessed to have a husband who may not completely understand my heart, but supports my desire to show His heart. But, yet again, a few days later, the heaviness that I felt for these children was swept to the side for the busyness of my own daily routine.

A few nights after we saw the children’s choir, a documentary came on ETV about child slavery. The first segment was about Haiti. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I have a heart for missions, and that God has given me a passion for missions. That passion started in Haiti. I sat on the couch, in our nice brick home and felt a tear hit my cheek for the children of Haiti. For the restaveks – child slaves – of Haiti.  I was feeling yet another familiar urge to find a way to help, but again, the urge faded away as it was lost in the shuffle of life.

Last Friday Pulse Dance Company from Claflin University did a show at CCHS. It was wonderful! The first part of the show was a tribute to African-American dance inspirations, and for the second part of the show, they did a few dance scenes from The Lion King (yes, Drew, I contained myself). The third song they danced to was Glory by John Legend. I hadn’t heard the song before, but many of the students recognized it from a movie, Selma, that was recently released (a few weeks prior they went on a fieldtrip to see the film).

 As the song began to play, I was surprised by the thought that entered my mind. This thought is the reason for this blog, and to be honest, at this moment I am typing this sentence to delay telling you about it. I don’t think I am ashamed of it. I don’t know, maybe I am. What popped into my mind as the dancers began to gracefully move around the stage to the moving lyrics was, “I chose not to go see that. I can’t take it.” I chose to not go see the movie Selma. Not because the life of Dr. Martin Luther King isn’t important to me, because it is in so many ways, but because I chose to be blind to the reality. To the reality of the pain that so many African-Americans had to face.  I couldn’t stand the idea of sitting in a theatre and watching a story about the REAL LIFE hurt of others. I chose to not go see it. I CHOSE TO BE BLIND.

 I hate to see hurting people (I often fast-forward any sad segment of even fictional movies), but what I need to realize is that hurt doesn’t go away if we close our eyes. It may go away to us, it may no longer be a part of our reality, but it does not go away. Each day we all choose to be blind. Out of sight, out of mind – right? The starving children of Africa, the child slaves of Haiti, the hungry children in our own county, and so much more may not be in our daily line of sight but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.

Until we CHOOSE to open up our eyes, until we CHOOSE to see, we can never truly make a difference. If my eyes continue to stay shut, even if they open for a moment and then close again, I cannot do what I was put on this earth to do. I can’t show Him before allowing Him to show things to me. I have to choose to see. No matter how much my heart hurts, and no matter how overwhelmed by the brokenness of the world I feel, if I never choose to see I can never show His love.

I don’t know yet how I am going to make a difference, or how I am going to show the love of Jesus to the hurting world around me. But, I have taken the first step in allowing Him to use me. I am choosing love over blindness. I am choosing to see. I encourage you to choose the same.

Blessings,
Hannah

“I’ve been silent instead of speaking out,

Gave my advice instead of speaking love,

I have been unfair, faithless and unkind,

I have shut my eyes, just so I could stay blind,

It’s not what I meant to do,

‘Cause I want to honor You.”

 

- Make Me Over, Natalie Grant

3 Steps to Walking on Water

Ok, y’all, I’ve figured out something so exciting. This girl has figured out something that many have pondered. I hope you’re ready for this, because today I am going to tell you how to … wait for it …. WALK ON WATER! Yes, you read that right. Now, get your eyes ready for what you are about to read, because there are only three simple steps. Ready? I hope so! Here goes!

Step 1) Trust God

Step 2) Get out of the boat

Step 3) Move forward

I would like to tell you that I figured this out in a moment in life that was full of peace and certainty, and also at a time where Step 1 came easy for me. But, I won’t lie to you. Peace and certainty do not apply to how I have felt today, and trusting God has not come easily during these moments. Quite frankly, I did not want to get out of the boat today. I didn’t want to have to trust God with all that’s in me while walking on the water, especially when it felt like the “waves” of life were trashing all around me. I repeat, I did not want to get out of the boat. As my husband said earlier today, we were pushed out of the boat. No voluntary leaps here, folks. So, having been pushed out I had a decision to make. Either I can sink, drown, wallow in fear OR I can fix my eyes on Jesus, walk on the water, and move forward.

This isn’t the only boat I’ve been shoved out of lately. A few months ago, God took our family through another experience that the required the faith and trust that must come with walking on the water. I didn’t catch on so quickly to Step 3 with that experience. I chose to be consumed by the circumstances of the waves, and did not keep my eyes above them (fixed on Jesus) while moving forward. I allowed bitterness and fear to creep in and I began to sink – but never, ever too far from His hand. Oh, how I love Jesus!

This time though, I’m walking on the water. I am fixing my eyes on Jesus and moving forward while trusting that what He has ahead for us is far better than anything I could possibly ever imagine. I am taking off the garments of worry and fear and putting on the garment of praise. I may not have chosen to be kicked out of the boat, but I AM choosing to trust God and walk on the water. I know He’s got me, and if you’re going through your own “out of the boat” experience, be encouraged because I know that He’s got you, too.

Blessings,

Hannah

Lessons from Lunch at a Cemetery

Death. The ultimate ending point of life. It’s a word that all of us know, and that most of us have felt the harsh reality of. I remember the first time I experience the finality of death. I was in the 2^nd grade, and our lab (Duke) was hit by a car. Little did I know the person who comforted me on that Tuesday would be the next person who I would be faced with losing in life.  

My Granny exited this life and entered eternity on June 20^th, 2000. Yesterday would have been her 71^st birthday. I. LOVE. BIRTHDAYS. I find great joy in celebrating the people in life that I love, so it shouldn’t be a huge surprise to you to know that I still celebrate my Granny’s birthday. When I was younger, I would make her a card, and bury it somewhere outdoors (I’m not really sure what the child-like logic of that was – but I did it, every year, without fail). The January after I got my license, I started a new tradition of lunch at the cemetery.  For the past six years on a day in the middle of January, I have made my way to the cemetery armed with Mellow Yellow (the only thing I can remember her enjoying food/beverage wise with the exception of liver, which isn’t happening for this girl) and a beach towel. I sit, and celebrate her life .. and, if I’m honest with you, sometimes cry that it was over so soon.

But, that isn’t exactly what I’m here to write about. Sandra Aldrich Headley (Sandra Kaye Aldrich) was born and a Tuesday, and died on a Tuesday. As I sat today, I thought about how those two Tuesdays defined what every stranger that has ever looked at her headstone thought of her life. Yes, January 18, 1944 and June 20, 2000 are important dates, but I think all of Tuesdays in between are what mattered the most. Like the Tuesday that she held me as I cried over our lost family pet, or the Tuesday that she went for a swim with me, and definitely the Tuesday that she dressed up as Raggedy Ann for my birthday. All of those days are what made her life, not just the day she was born and the day she died.

All of my life I have heard how short life is, and recently I’ve discovered the truth in that statement. As a result, I am working towards being content with each day of my life. No longer looking forward to the next phase of life, but truly loving the one I am in. I am focusing on enjoying this day – because I know that I’ll never get it back. So, today, as you go through life, remember that one day you’ll be remembered by a headstone with two dates that are important, but that it is all of the days in between that truly matter.

Let your light shine. Be kind. Most importantly, enjoy today for today, and not because it takes you one step closer to tomorrow.

 

Blessings, 

Hannah