Overcoming Church Hurt.

I’m a pastor’s kid. I’m sure that the majority of my readers know that. I have literally grown-up in the church. Through the years, I have seen so many people loved and accepted by the church. I have heard so many testimonies of people who have found forgiveness, healing, love and acceptance in the four walls of the church – I am sure that we have all. But, what I’ve begun to hear more of lately is the people who have found quite the opposite of love and acceptance in the church. Instead, they sadly found things like hurt, jealously, backstabbing, and lies. Church hurt is so hard for many of us to understand, because it seems so silly to think that people are being hurt in the place that they come to find love in acceptance. But, unfortunately, folks, so many people around us have experience/are experiencing church hurt. Church hurt does not only drive wedges between us and other believers, but also between us and God.

This post is for the person who has been hurt by the church. For the ones who have a sour taste in their mouth about church as a result of bad experiences they had in the church. I’ve experienced church hurt. And I am so thankful to say, that I have overcome church hurt. If you allow Jesus to heal your heart, you can overcome church hurt too.

So, you’ve been hurt by the church, and you are ready to overcome it – where do you go from here?

Lay it down. The first place you need to go after experiencing church hurt is to the cross. Lay your hurt at the feet of Jesus. He loves you. He doesn’t want you to be hurt, but He can’t heal your heart until you give it to Him.  

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“Casting the whole sum of your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Pray.  I know that it is a hard pill to swallow, but you need to pray for the person/people who hurt you. I know, believe me, I know how hard that is sometimes.  But, we must do it, because the Bible clearly tells commands us to.

                “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44   

Don’t retaliate. It is a human instinct to say something to the extent of, “I’ll get him back” after experiencing hurt. We want to react in the flesh, but that is not what we need to do.  The Lord will fight for you – He’s got your back!

                “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus 14:14

Forgive. Forgiveness can be so tricky, and one of the most difficult things to do, so I want to remind you of a few things about forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that what they did was okay. If they hurt you, that is not okay at all. What you have to realize though, is that when unforgiveness grows in your heart for long enough, it creates bitterness. Please, please, please don’t allow bitterness in. Forgive the person who caused your church hurt, not because what they did wasn’t wrong, but because you don’t want it to destroy your heart. Remember that Jesus Christ has forgiven the inexcusable in you, so why should you deny forgiveness to someone else? I know it is hard, but do it, you will not regret it.

“Bearing with one another, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive.”  Colossians 3:13

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Reconnect. Do not turn against church completely. I know that is what seems like the logical thing to do after experiencing church hurt, but that this exactly what the enemy wants you to do. The enemy’s goal is to bring division, do not allow him the victory through your church hurt.

“And about all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14

To the hurting, I am so sorry. I know how badly church hurt can be. Please forgive. Let Jesus love you. So often, as humans, we fall short, and I am sorry that your heart was hurt through the short comings of others, but today lay it at His feet. I promise you, forgiveness can change your life. Look at how your life has already been changed by His forgiveness, and imagine what peace you’ll find in forgiving others.  It is a wonderful feeling to have the burden of unforgiveness lifted off you.

Blessings,

Hannah