When Grief Invades the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

For those who have experienced a loss,  the holidays can so easily transform from being the most wonderful time of the year to being the most dreaded time of the year. But we do not have to dread the holidays after experiencing loss,  we can choose to find the joy that may seem so far out of reach but is not.  Here are some tips that I've discovered during my grief journey.  I pray they help you as your travel down your own path of loss.

Grief is Like the Ocean. 
When talking with students (and others I come in contact with) that are experiencing grief I often compare the grieving process to the ocean. Since we are so blessed to leave near the ocean,  this analogy provides a good visual for what I've learned grief is like. Some moments of the day at Edisto (my very favorite beach) the tide is low and chill and other moments of the day the tide is high and ruthless.  Some moments during the last 11 months as I have grieved the loss of Piece have felt so chill but others have been as ruthless as the wave that knocks you down and causes your to gasp for breath as you fight to conquer the current. Just like the tide at Edisto,  I don't think we can control the tides of grief,  we just have to accept that the waves will come. And that's OK.

Accept the Sadness.  
Do not feel guilty about your grief. Grief is natural and where there was great love there will be great grief. Someone commented in my GriefShare group that,  to them,  grief was just love with no place to go. It's OK to be sad because you miss someone who is gone this holiday season but you still have to ...

Open Your Heart to Joy.  
Thanksgiving was so hard for me. I knew it would be. Even last year when P was in the hospital,  I left our family Thanksgiving and went to hangout with him. I was so fearful of what our family Thanksgiving would look like without him. I had a choice - did I want to be bogged down in grief or did I want to choose joy? I knew that P would want me to choose joy. So,  that is exactly what I did. I played t-rex with my sweet nephew,  sat on the back porch where P and I would always sneak away to and blew bubbles (no shame,  y'all know bubbles are fun), and I offered up a prayer of thanksgiving to our Father who even in the waves of grief is still so good to us. Did I cry? Yes. As a matter of fact, I uglied cried into my mom's shoulder as we dried the last of the pots and pans. But did I laugh? So,  so much. I chose joy and I beg you to choose the same.

Transform Traditions.  
Pierce is gone (and there isn't a piece of me that doesn't wish he was here) but I am not gone. He would be so angry with me if I quit living. It isn't a secret that P loved our family recipe for TV Trash,  and even though a large part of me doesn't want to continue on with making this delicious treat - I know we must. It won't be the same and it will be sad but we can't let his favorite tradition die with him.  We have to keep that piece of him alive.

Cling to Jesus. 
This may be my last point,  but it is certainly the most important.  I keep Isaiah 41:10 taped right above my computer monitor at work. It says, "I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you." When the waves of grief are taking you under,  know that He has a firm grip on you, and He will never let you go.

Have a blessed holiday season,  friend/s. Choose joy. Spread kindness. Expect miracles.

Hannah