Dear 2014.

Dear 2014,

Wow. What a year you’ve been. You’ve literally shown me the worst of times, and the most joyous of times. I’ve learned this year what it means to mourn the loss of losing people who you once loved, and the overwhelming feeling of thankfulness that comes with sealing a life-long promise with someone who will love you forever. You’ve taught me the importance of community, and why it is critical to only surround yourself with people who will bring out the best in you. Thanks to you, I’ve realized that the people of influence in my life need to be the ones who see the best in me (even when I don’t see it in myself). I’ve also watched two of my favorite people go to battle with the ugly, ugly thing called cancer. Cancer never truly wins though, because love is bigger.

There are many things I’ll take away from you and many things I’ll gladly leave behind. I’m leaving behind unforgiveness and bitterness. 2014, I’ve learned something as you’ve come to a close, and that is (get ready for a harsh reality, readers) that God love my enemies. I know, gasp, the preacher’s daughter has only *just now* come to this reality. I know, I know, what can I say? I’m a slow learner sometimes. So, to the things and people who have caused me pain in 2014, I forgive you. Not because I am madly in love with you and not because I want to be your best bud (sorry, so not there yet, folks) but simply because Jesus loves you. He has forgiven the absolute worst in me, so why should I not forgive it in you? Heck, you may not even think that you need my forgiveness, but I am not forgiving you (or leaving this hurt behind for you) I’m doing it for me. Selfish? Maybe, so forgive me if you think it is. The truth is though, forgiveness doesn’t excuse your behavior, but it does keep your behavior from destroying my heart.  

 2014, I’m taking away from you more discoveries of my purpose. Thank you for being the year that brought a wonderful man into my life to not only propose to me at our favorite spot, but to also take my hand in marriage in a city that I love (why doesn't everyone love Walterboro?!). I find great purpose in being his wife. Loving Drew is truly one of my greatest joys. I also was able to get a taste of the life of a school counselor. Wow. What an experience. As I think of the many stories that I could tell from the 102 hours I spent at Colleton County Middle, both a smile forms across my face and a tear starts to develop in my eye. I don’t take for granted the position of influence that I was honored to have in the lives of students that grew to mean so much to me.

I guess in closing, 2014, my life right now seems like it is at a major transition point and who knows what I’ll have to share at this time next year, but my prayer for 2015 is rather simple and stems off of a Sidewalk Prophets song. I am not very close to the person I need to be. I was created for more. I wasn’t created to be weighed down by the bitterness, unforgiveness and anxieties that this life can bring. As this year comes to a close, I am leaving all of those things at the cross  (and I encourage my readers to do the same). I was created to be like Jesus Christ. So, 2014, the Lord still has some “making” to do within me, but I’m well on my way of being a true reflection of Him.

                It’s been fun (well, mostly :P).

Blessings,

Hannah

 

Keep Making Me

Make me broken

So I can be healed

Cause I'm so calloused

And now I cant feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken

 

Make empty

So I can be filled

Cause I'm still holding

Onto my will

And I'm completed

When You are with me

Make me empty

 

Til You are my one desire

Til You are my one true love

Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me

 

Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

Cause in the darkness

I know You will hold me

Make me lonely

In The Waiting

Lately the Lord has been dealing with my heart - about my heart (and my brain that seems to be in planning overdrive these days). While working on a group counseling lesson tonight, I was reminded of a Scripture in the book of Psalms. Davids writes in Psalms 37:4, that we should take delight in the Lord, because He knows, and will give us, the desires of our heart. After a quick Google search, I discovered that the word delight means great pleasure. So, what the Scripture is saying is that we should take great pleasure in the Lord, and He will give us the desires of our heart.

There are so many things in life that I take great pleasure in (most of these things involve my husband's laughter - although it is generally at my expense), but I was convicted tonight because I have not been taking great pleasure in the Lord. I have not been delighting in Him as much as I should. I have been too concerned with feeling overwhelmed (or "in my feelings" as Drew would say) that I have forgotten to stop and praise Him for His faithfulness. I have failed to be thankful for THIS SEASON in my life. This season has been full of stress, feeling overwhelmed, uncertainties, and (of course) many happy days. I hope I am not alone in this - but how often I seem to forget the moments of pure joy, because I am too bogged down in just "getting through" to the next phase.

I have a quote on my office wall that says, "The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for betters ones ahead." You know what though, the Lord revealed to me tonight that the trick of life is simple - spend every day, and every moment delighting in Him. Because when we choose to delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.

My heart has been so heavy regarding a situation and tonight, at this moment (when coincidentally is also the exact time that I received a phone call about the situation - get behind me Satan ;)) I am CHOOSING to delight in the Lord. Is it fun in this moment? Not exactly. Is it easy? No way. But tonight, I know that above all He knows the desires of my heart and I will be joyful while delighting in Him no matter what season of life I am walking through. Because I have peace in knowing that my Jesus is in the waiting with me, and I am going to sit back, relax and delight in Him.

I'll admit it though, sometimes I need a "sign" that I'm not alone in the waiting. A song by Shannon Wexelburg always ministers to my soul during times when I feel weary in the waiting. Tonight I Googled the lyrics to put up on my office wall (notice a theme here), and the first link that showed in the results was titled Hannah's Hope. How perfect is that? Reading through this blog, which told the background story for Shannon's song was like lotion for my dry heart. I am so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness, especially in the times when I feel like I am failing because I need a sign of His faithfulness. In those moments,  He gently and lovingly puts one in my path. What a wonderful Savoir.

Please take a moment to read these lyrics, and listen to the song - I pray they encourage you if you are "hanging out" in the waiting like I am.

Blessings,
Hannah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwyvmu-asJI

~In the Waiting~
I’ve tried to be strong
Is there something I’ve done wrong?
‘Cause I’ve been waiting here so long.
You see each tear
As the months have turned to years.
For some reason You must want me here.
But I can see You’re breaking up my fallow ground
In this season of such barrenness,
Lord, I have found

You are in the waiting
In that moment of my life
When my faith and hope collide.
While my heart’s anticipating
Just how and when You’ll move
That’s when you prove
You are in the waiting, too.

So plant Your seed
Till it’s living, Lord, in me.
Make me all You want me to be.
Unveil my eyes
If I’ve exchanged the truth for lies.
Give me faith so I can see
The work that you began
You will complete in me.
And I don’t have to understand the place You’re keeping me.

You give me water in the desert.
You lift me up on eagles’ wings.
And from way up high
I can see my life
From Your view of things.
And though I’ve cried for an answer
I believe that I can say:
“Thank You, Lord, for every answer
You’ve delayed.”

The Story of the Donkey and the Well ~ Shake it off, and stand on it!

After -for lack of a better word- a rather crummy day today my Dad reminded me a story that he once heard a preacher tell. The story is about a farmer, a donkey and a well.

One day a donkey fell into a deep well. As you can imagine, the donkey made enough noise that the farmer went to check on him and noticed what happened. Once the farmer realized the situation that he was facing, and knowing that there was no real way to get the donkey out, the farmer decided that the best idea would be to go ahead and fill the well with dirt. He called a few of his friends over, and shovel by shovel, they began filling the famer’s well with dirt. The donkey continued making noise for quite a while, even after they began to fill the hole, but eventually he was quiet. The farmer and his friends assumed what had happened to the donkey, so they looked down in to the well. To quite their surprise, the donkey was nearly nose to nose with them. You see, each time the farmers would toss dirt on the donkey; the donkey just shook the dirt off and took a step up. Eventually so much dirt had been tossed in the hole, the donkey was able to simply walk out of it.

The fact of the matter is that some days life is going to put you in a pit, and throw dirt on you.  But what I’ve discovered is that we can either choose to be buried alive in the “pits” we find ourselves in or we can make the choice to shake the dirt off and take a step up. Tonight I encourage you that when life throws dirt on you, that you make the choice to shake it off and stand on it. Rise above the crud that may come at you. Stand strong on the Word of God, and speak life to your situation.

I am so thankful for the people who speak life to me, but I’ve learned through the years, that sometimes the best thing you can do is to encourage yourself. Encourage yourself in the Lord. Let His joy be your strength. Allow His peace that passes all understanding to flood over you. And, most importantly, know that He has plans for your life that are far better than you can imagine.

 

Blessings, 

Hannah



PS - Listen to this song if you need to be encouraged this evening. :)
Encourage Yourself - Donald Lawrence

When Mother's Day Hurts, Let Jesus Hold You

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. A day that we celebrate the women in our lives who birthed us, cared for us as children, and have watched us bloom as adults. For so many though, Mother’s Day brings a bitter-sweet feeling. From the women who face the ugly monster of infertility, to those who have experienced infant or child loss, and others who have even lost their own mothers.

To those that can’t relate to anything in the previous sentence, today I ask you to cover those who can relate in prayer. To be there for the friend who may need a shoulder or a random text message reminding them of the wonderful person that they are.

To those who can relate, my heart aches for you. I’ve been in quiet prayer most of the day for you. I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe it’s because of how many people I know who are facing their first Mother’s Day without their mother, or my dear friends that have faced miscarriages this year, perhaps it’s even because of my endometriosis and the fear of infertility that it has planted within me. I’m honestly not sure why, but what I am sure of is that you are loved. You are loved by the Almighty. The Creator, who gives life, and takes it away. You are loved by the One who has a greater plan for your life than any of us could imagine.

Natalie Grant is one of my very favorite singers. She sings a song called Held. I’m sure most of you have heard the song. The song was written for a broken mother who lost her baby at only two months old. She walked in her bedroom one day, and realized that her baby was lying in his crib lifeless. I can not even imagine. Natalie’s song is relatable to so much more though. So many more stories.

The chorus goes, “This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive. This is what  is to be loved, and to know that the promise was when everything fell – you’d be held.” For those of you with an aching heart this Mother’s Day, let Jesus hold you. Yes, the sacred has been torn from your life, but YOU’VE SURVIVED!  His promises are true, and when it feels that your life is fallin apart, He won’t fail you.

To all of the Proverbs 31 women in my life (whether you are a mother or not), I pray you have a fabulous Mother’s Day! After all, isn’t Mother’s Day about celebrating the women in our life who are fabulous? Yes, yes, it is!

Blessings,

Hannah